Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
