Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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