More tranny stories later!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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