was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I need water and some morals
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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