some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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