I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
