Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
