He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
