i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
