so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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