so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
