I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
the raccoons are back...
Randomize