College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
