WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
