bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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