You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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