I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
