Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
