I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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