I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
