Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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