I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Randomize
