remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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