new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
