Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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