It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
