Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
