and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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