You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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