YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have fence marks all over my body
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
