we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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