i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
