theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am available for nakedness
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
