her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
