They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you would pick up someone in the library
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
