So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
