I'm gonna have a badass scar
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
