You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
the raccoons are back...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
