you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
