The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
