What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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