Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
