Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
