I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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