Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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