We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I touched a dick in church today
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
