carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
