The maid of honor just puked.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
