So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
