if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
