I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
two words: eviction party
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
