nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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