well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
soo... how was my night?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
