also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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