woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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