We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
