I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
