these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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