Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize