i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
