pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
