i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
