alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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