If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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