I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
