I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
