I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
did you just send me my own nude
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Come on in and take your pants off
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