I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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