'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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