I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
