I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
