why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
